Happy three month birthday little man ❤ You are the greatest thing that I have ever been part of and I am blessed to be your mommy ❤
During our road trip to California and back we listened to some music (although not very much all things considered… music can lead to unexpected emotional breakdowns for me). One of the CDs we listened to was Garth Brooks’s Greatest Hits. When the song, “The Dance” came on I was overcome and began to cry uncontrollably.
If you are unfamiliar with the song, click here for the YouTube Video:
The song goes:
Looking back, on the memory of
The dance we shared, ‘neath the stars above
For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known, that you’d ever say goodbye
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss, the dance
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn’t I a king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say you know, I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss, the dance
Yes my life, is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance
When I think about Logan, my pregnancy, his birth, his life, and his death I am overcome because I am so grateful that he chose me to be his mom. I wouldn’t give up on this soul wrenching, incessant pain if it meant that we wouldn’t have had the chance to know and love him.
Early in my pregnancy we agreed to genetic testing. At the time we were between two different doctor’s offices for our ultrasounds and there was a miscommunication resulting in our genetic test results being inaccurate. However, we were told all was fine with the tests. It wasn’t until I was 26 weeks pregnant that the error was recognized…
At that point we felt that largely normal ultrasounds and our late gestation were reason enough to not pay incredible amounts out of pocket for a different test. In fact, at no point during my pregnancy was there any concern at all! No bleeding, he moved all the time, and he was growing just as he should have been.
I now know that babies with trisomy 13 often miscarry or are stillborn. If they are not or do not, they are often severely growth restricted… Obviously none of this was the case. I think of our little man and know he is a fighter. He worked so hard to be able to meet us ❤
I am so grateful that we got to meet our little man, we may have been able to miss some of the pain, but we would have also had to miss the dance with him, and I couldn’t wish for that.
Logan’s short life taught me and countless others about their capacity for love. What an incredible gift from someone so small. Thank you for the dance little man, I love you ❤